Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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