I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
