I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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