I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
