I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
