You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
