Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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