i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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