Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
