and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
