Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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