BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
