When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
