he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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