So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
