drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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