i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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