did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
