I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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