my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
