Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
