I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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