She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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