you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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