he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
ok first of all what the fuck
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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