I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That's how pantless uber rides happen
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
