is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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