Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
