): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
