Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
