thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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