i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
