He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
