No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
