god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
