At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
