hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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