dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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