what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize