im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
