If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
