just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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