you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
