So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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