well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
