I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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