I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
