Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
