There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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