I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
