Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
