hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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