He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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