call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
