Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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